So, while Wic and Polie are out and the keyboard is free I’m going to tell you something that seems to have got missed from the Australian diaries. It will make you smile. I still smile thinking about it.
We picked up a car in Melbourne ready to drive the Great Ocean Road. I sat in the front to help navigate while Wic drove. Polie and Wic didn’t seem to want me to drive which seemed unfair. Polie was kicked back listening to some sounds in the rear. We’d just had lunch and everyone seemed relaxed as we approached a small town. The speed limit was 60kph in the county and a sign told us it dropped to 40kph in the town. Wic, in his wisdom, drove up to the sign for 40kph and then took his foot off the accelerator to slow. A police car could be seen coming in the opposite direction. It passed us by and then, without any warning, did a U turn and came up behind us. All good so far I thought but then on came the lights. It was getting exciting. Polie thought it was on the way to an emergency but I knew better.
“You’re so in trouble Wic” I helpfully said.
He looked at me.
“You should have let me drive. This was always a job for a professional” I added, advisedly.
“What are you about” Wic asked, looking a little agitated. “I’m going to pull over and let the police car pass” he continued. In your dreams I thought and as he pulled over the police car did so as well. I managed not to snigger, just.
I turned to warn Polie.
“Polie, whatever your smoking in the back there you better hide it”. Polie was not amused by my humour.
“Oh, and whatever it is you’re listening to you better turn it off. There are laws about bad taste in Australia” I added trying to look serious. If looks could kill I’d have been toast! Anyway, one of the police officers came to the car window to greet us.
“Good day sir”.
Wait for it I thought. Here comes the kicker.
“Do you know what speed you were doing back there?” He enquired.
As Wic was looking blank I thought I should help, as is my nature. “55kph officer” I answered and received my second killing look in a minute.
“That’s right sir. We have it on camera if you’d like to look?” The officer offered.
“Let’s look, let’s look” I encouraged thinking I’d see myself on camera, looking cool in my new Ray Ban’s. But Wic declined. So we went through the whole driving licence thing followed by the amusing bit where the officer tells you how dangerous it is to drive at excessive speed and how naughty you have been. I just looked out of the side window and smiled. How amusing. Wic ate humble pie and Polie sat looking sheepish. Have you ever seen a polar bear looking sheepish. It’s a sight not to miss.
Then the officer ask Wic where we were heading and he couldn’t remember.
“You should be talking to me” I informed the officer with my chest puffed up. “I’m the navigator”. Well someone needed to take charge and as the old saying goes: “Don’t send a man to do a moose’s job”. I put the officer straight, apologised for Polie’s poor taste in music and said how right it was that the law should be enforced. What an upright citizen I’ve turned out to be.
So Wic got his speeding ticket which I wanted to frame but this wasn’t appreciated for some reason. “It’s art” I offered.
Wic was not looking happy as the Police car pulled away. Such a nice officer, he even waved goodbye.
“Well let’s go” I prompted as Wic and Polie sat staring at the highway. “Just one of life’s rich experiences. Anyway, you should have let me drive. They’d have never caught me” I thought out loud.
And that’s how I ended up walking 2 km towards the beginning of the Great Ocean Road eventually finding the boys in a cafe drinking coffee and still giving me undeserved looks.
At least the place served beer.
The Polie Pages 