Dear Father Chris Moose,
I thought I ought to drop you a quick note and a short list so that you can get Christmas right this year. I have quite forgiven you for only giving me half of the things I asked for last year. You were obviously very busy and mistakes are easy to make. Then there’s your age. Say no more.
Before I get to the list we may find it advantageous to take a look at the year. I feel a little explanation will make your decisions easier. I feel I need to make clear that the fact I was in Oslo when the Viking long boat went missing was mere coincidence. The fact that it then appeared on the lake outside the apartment at home was, beyond belief. I felt like someone had it in for me. I hope you take a long look at Polie. That polar bear is well suspect!
Also the incident at Machu Pichu when I reportedly declared myself king and charged everyone an extra fee to enter. A complete mistake. People were so impressed by my costume that they insisted on giving me money and it would have been so rude to refuse. Isn’t it said: “Manners maketh the moose”? And when I altered Wic’s plan that he had laboured over for so long, I was only letting him share in my ‘higher’ wisdom.
I feel I am so misrepresented and I would hate for you to act on incorrect information. Just like when I went out on Wic’s motorbike and…well I thought friends shared things, and we still are friends, I think. That’s the only reason I drank all his beer. I didn’t want him to feel I was no longer his friend.
Anyway, now I’ve set a few things straight I will get onto my list as I know you’re busy. Not much this year you’ll be glad to hear. Less to remember, ehh?
I would like a selection of world beers. Perhaps if you made me last call on Christmas Eve you could pick up one from everywhere you go?
Also, as Wic is so touchy about his motorbike I think I should have one of my own. Nothing fancy you understand. Maybe a Harley Davidson Fatboy? Don’t you think that would be so me? I assume you can fit it on the sleigh?
Then, as I’ve given myself over to selflessly providing blog inspiration all year I need a holiday. Again nothing too fancy. Maybe Hawaii or the Maldives. A pool villa with butler service. And don’t send the bear. He so annoying with his fitness and “Chwis, you shouldn’t drink any more beer”.
Oh, and a new pillow for my bed as the current one seems to be wearing out. They don’t make them like they use to. They hardly last a year. Maybe you should up the quality you supply or change your suppliers? And any rumours about over use are completely unfounded!
Antler warmers in case Polie and Wic plan any more of those crazy trips. Austria in January and Norway in March. Really?
As you can see from my letter I’ve actually been a really good moose this year, just a little misunderstood. I can’t wait for Christmas morning and have brought a bigger stocking so you have enough space for everything.
Enjoy the mince pies.
Your loyal friend
Dear Father Christmas,
I have weally twied to be good this year. It hasn’t been easy all the time. I wouldn’t blame anyone else as I know I am weponsible for my own actions but, well, Chwis doesn’t always make things easy. He’s such an unwestwained cweature. But you know I have twied. I may have been a little economical with the twuth at times, but what do you do when the police are at the door asking if you know anything about a Viking long boat that has turned up on the lake outside? Letting Chwis tell them he had only borwowed it wasn’t a good idea. I hope you understand.
I twied to help Chwis on his journey of self impwovement. We did the dweam boards although Chwis certainly went for the big dweam wight from the beginning. I worked with him on welising his potential, we did yoga and he discovered he can fall asleep in any position.
I did tell him not to take Wic’s bike. I told him he’d fall off as his legs didn’t weach the gwound. But he knew best and look what happened. A week in the wepair shop.
Sometimes I despair.
But I have worked hard on the blog and I think Wic and I whote some good stuff. I liked “Potential from the wisdom of Polie”. I am sure there’s a lot more to come. And I comforted Wic, several times, when he discovered all the beer in the house had disappeared.
Anyway, if you see fit I would like a few books to wead (I’d actually like for you to encourage Patwick Wothfus to white the last book in his twilogy. I’ve been waiting so long), a new scarf or a knitting kit so I can knit my own one. And it would be weally nice if the journey took us to India so we can continue with our yoga but that’s a weally big ask.
You know I will be happy with whatever you leave me.
Have safe twip flying awound the world this Christmas Eve and don’t forget to put your feet up afterwards. Sorwy there’s only mince pies, someone drank all the port!