P/ Wic, that was a mistake.
W/ Polie, we should have known better. All the warning signs were there.
P/ Yes, and out of kindness and a spiwit of involvement we ignored them.
We have just returned from our final Christmas food shop at the supermarket. We are both mentally and emotionally exhausted. It wasn’t the crowds of people who packed the store. No, we had expected them even though we were there as the doors opened. No, filled with the Christmas spirit we had agreed to let Chris come and help us. Even before we got in the car he was full of excitement. Christmas really is a big deal for him. He promised he would be so helpful.
Having arrived we procured a trolley, sat Chris in the seat designed for small dudes and started in the vegetable aisle.
P/ It wasn’t long before we wealised we had more vegetables than we could possibly eat even if we planned in a few vegan days over the holiday period. Chris was weaching out and taking handfuls of everything. Worst still he was assisting other shoppers by filling their twolleys when their backs were turned.
W/ Yes, Polie, we quickly completed the vegetables and left the aisles with a number of confused shoppers behind us scratching their heads having found three more bags of sprouts in their trolleys than they wanted.
P/ Or any other assortment of vegetables they would not have thought to have bought. Behind us the mayhem was starting as some customers twied to take vegetables and other stwuggled against the tide of shoppers to put them back.
W/ At this point we thought it best to remove Chris from the seat, where he could reach far too much, and make him walk.
P/ If we keep him close he can’t do too much harm we thought but then….
W/ You see, we had all gone to see the new Star Wars movie the day before and the spirit of Skywalker was with him. Apparently a large cucumber is an adequate replacement for a light sabre.
P/ Swinging wight to left whilst making stwange noises he cleared the cheese section. “The Force is strong with this one,” was heard as he barrelled into the diary aisle. A carton of milk fell to the gwound with a splash. A wharther large shop attendant with a mop appeared and Chwis decided he was outnumbered and out gunned and meekly wetreated back to the twolley
W/ We gave him what we thought was a good talking to and he walk quietly beside the trolley for the next two rows. Good we thought, we are making progress and we have more than half of the list.
P/ Then, whilst Wic and I pondered the selection of Chwistmas puddings Chwis escaped! Having selected a pudding we turned to get Chwis’ appwoval. He was gone.
W/ You went right and I went left in search of him.
P/ We hadn’t gone far when we both noticed shoppers looking lost and wandewing up and down the aisles without twolleys. Occasionally a cwy of, “It’s over here,” could be heard.
W/ What was happening was, Chris, who is a moose of small attention span, was amusing himself by taking shoppers trolleys when they were busy looking at the shelves. Then moving them to a different aisle. From there he would move another.
P/ We were in despair. There was no wemorse. So we decided to take Chwis to the dwinks section where he could decide which of his favowites he would be sampling this Chwistmas.
W/ It was a good idea because he just stood in awe at the selection and began to muse. Not wanting to make a mistake we knew we could leave him for hours.
P/ So, Wic and I huwied off to complete our list. Twenty minutes later we weturned. As we entered the section we were stopped in our twacks.
W/ We arrived just in time to see Chwis thanking two shop assistants who had loaded two whole trolleys with a large selection of beers!
C/ But you said I could choose some of my favourites, Wic, and I did. Those young men were so helpful right up to the point where you said I had to put most of the bottles back!
W/ It was too much for Polie who was later found laying down in the chiller cabinet.
P/ Poor Wic who had to explain to the two shop attendants the mistake.
C/ It was no mistake. I meant to do it!
P/ You kindly gave them a tip for their twoubles, Wic.
W/ Yes, and hurried to the check out. But it wasn’t over yet.
P/ No, as you and I self scanned the items we were buying the list seemed to grow longer and longer.
W/ Then we realised some were coming around several times.
P/ Chwis had discovered that diffewent items scanned with a diffewent beep and by organising them corwectly he could produce a tune.
C/ It was all very festive as I achieved Jingle Bells on the check out machine. Even the shop assistant who came to reset it was impressed…I think?
W/ An extra twenty minutes at the checkout with a large cue of disgruntled shoppers behind us.
P/ And home, Chwis stwapped in the child’s seat!
C/ Yes, they should be ashamed. Where was the festive spirit? I was exhausted after providing so much help. I needed a long drink.